jun. 22, 07

2 weeks in Taiwan already. I don't know if 80 hrs/wk is considered normal, but it certainly gives me perfectly good excuse for not updating.

just saw a youtube clip fwd to me few days ago abt Taiwan. 3 seconds into the clip i know what the rest would be about, and also how i would feel and how fast ill forget abt it. You would understand if you are a Taiwanese.

Its a clip about oppression from China toward Taiwan and the things we should be proud of ourselves. I honour those passionate individuals who make the clips and take action to let the world know about Taiwan. However, there is nothing new, and I got impatient and almost didn't finish watching it.

What struck me was how I (and maybe most of us) have become so indifferent of the issue. What's the psychology behind this? Perhaps we have gotten used to how pathetic we are as a sovereign state. We become accustomed to the denial of existence by the international community. Occasionally we feel pissed when some other even more pathetic tiny countries also deny our existence. It's like watching a 100 to 0 hockey game. After a while you just switch channel and watch something less depressing. China know this well, and it's doing a damn good job demoralizing us. There is no vision or movement. We even question whether we should fight or not. Previous attempts to seek for recognition never got anywhere, and it seems logical to assume that future attempts won't make any difference since we are doing it the same way.
We Taiwanese consider ourselves smart, but maybe too smart we are to mobilize: classic collective action problem (let others do the protest). Most importantly, we think that it's futile.

It seems paradoxical that despite we have given up the hope of being recognized, we hold on to our Taiwanese identity tightly. For myself, I emphasis that I am from Taiwan or that I am Taiwanese. Part of it might be the negative image of Mainlanders. We distant ourselves from "them". Socially we clutter together. (interestingly enough, the barrier wears away once we personally know them, since the stereotype no longer applies.) We join facebook groups like "i am taiwanese" or "Fuck man how many times i gotta tell u I'm from Taiwan not China bitch!?". One reason might be our sense of guilt of not doing more to fight for Taiwan. We are losing out economically now. The last line of defense seem to be the quiet confidence that we are cooler than the mainlanders. We have better food, better soap opera, better singers, hotter stars, funnier TV shows, more attractive overall as a population. It's the style basically. But I can't help but wonder: what would happen if we can't maintain our (pop) cultural superiority? Will we let go our Taiwanese identity then?

entry jun.3 07

im 38000 ft up in the air. since i hav nothing better to do i figure i can start writing something about anything

im the type of person who talks to myself alot but can never remember the content. so ill just go free today and do some typing. kinda like a scene in "finding forrester", with sean connery and a young black student. in the movie sean is a great writer who teaches the young man how to write. he says, "the first thing about writing is write" or something like that. so here i am, just typing my way though, putting down wutever. i think one of the things i do is that i think too much abt something that shouldnt be thought too deeply. just to be clear im not trying to be all sophisticated and all trying to impress ppl. being confident is one thing but self-indulgent bragging is just not cool. so yea i think alot, and its often a bad thing. i often try my best to think in rational terms, like casual relationships, how something happens and why someone does something. hang over from engineering training perhaps, and often this makes my entries boring. it would be logical to know how the world works to better achieve the goals you strive for. however the premise is that you have the analytical skill to make sense of this (increasingly) complicated world, and also get the information necessary for any analysis. in my opinion, analytical skill is less of a problem comparing to the lack of information, or lack of correct information. few weeks ago i watched a documentary called "fog of war". a fantastic piece if you are into the "serious" stuff, its by robert mcnamara, and if you know who im talking abt u will probably like it. hes the secretary of states when kennedy and johnson were president. some of the insights that stuck in my head are the fact that "rationality will not save us", and "what gets us in trouble is not what we dont know but what we know for sure that just aint so". the power play btw Kennedy, Krustruf, and Castro clearly shows that. they r all ratoinal leaders yet they almost nuked the world. put it all together: our analytical methodology is questionable, and our source of information is questionable. in addition, even with all the information we need, human beings tend to filter information and receive only those that conform with our beliefs, in another word, we see what we want to see. still, rational choice seem to be more reliable than random walk. yes, it certainly works well solving problems that have clear objectives, like making money, grow crop, treating paitients. but for other that have vague objective, sometimes we dont even know if we r doing things right or wrong. when it comes to life in general, it doesnt work because there is no clear objective. its all arbitrary. ok my battery is dead. make your own conclusion because im just babbling